As a sports ethics and business ethics motivational speaker and consultant, I must often talk to groups on the topics of sexual harassment and abuse. It’s a damn shame. As we approach 2023, I am often surprised at the lack of awareness on these topics, especially among athletes and coaches.
The Portland Thorns
The Thorns (women’s soccer) have had more than their share of documented off-the-field problems. It speaks to an ethical and managerial breakdown top to bottom, but for this post I want to address the topic of sexual harassment and one of the misunderstandings that go with the issue.
Rhian Wilkinson, the Thorns head coach, or rather ex-head coach, has resigned following an investigation by the NWSL (National Women’s Soccer League) and the NWSL Players Association. The investigation was specific to the relationship between the head coach and one of her players.
Said Wilkinson:
“During my time as the Thorns coach, a player and I formed a friendship that turned into more complex emotions. In mid-October the player shared her feelings to me, and I reciprocated. While this was a human moment, it went no further than this expression of feelings for one another… the player and I immediately stopped spending time outside of training together, and soon after stopped all communication outside of work. In less than a week, I reported myself to human resources to make sure I had not crossed any ethical lines.” (The italics are mine)
I have been an ethics speaker and consultant for more than 25-years. I am neither a judge nor do I sit on a jury. I teach, counsel and support. I can also be like that compassionate, but brutally honest uncle you at first hate, then slowly start to like and to realize, he is that one friend who will be in your corner.
So, Ms. Wilkinson, I am sorry to tell you this, but your human moment can certainly be construed as sexual harassment. Your HR department should have understood that. You did cross ethical lines the minute you verbalized your emotions to an employee.
While to those outside the dynamic, we might hear “Well, there was no sexual harassment, because there was no sex, right?”
Ethics doesn’t dwell in the prurient world. It dwells in ethical versus unethical. Simply put, the coach crossed a line. My answer to the question above, can be summarized by a single word below:
Wrong.
When the other players heard about the “admission” and “plea,” they were unwilling to give Wilkerson the pass. The players wrote a letter to the NWSL commissioner. Which, in part, stated:
“There are several potential power imbalances that are created when a coach fraternizes with a player, not only due to the impact of the relationship on the player’s professional status, but also because of the potential age difference between coach and player…we also know that these power imbalances exist regardless of gender or sexual orientation.”
The players are correct. I am all for love. I could care less what consenting adults choose do to in the privacy of their lives. But this is not about “like,” or “love,” or “passion.” This is about (as the players stated) power imbalances.
I do not fault Ms. Wilkinson for being human and falling in love with a player. I fault her for believing it is innocent; that she can have a relationship with one of her players and still coach without bias.
There was also an attempt at moral equivalency here. The Portland Thorns have had one ethical screw-up after another. I am clearly aware of male to female episodes of more serious sexual harassment. It was wrong and ethically repugnant.
Nevertheless, there have been attempts by apologists to compare what Ms. Wilkinson didn’t do, to what male coaches before her did. This is not a moral equivalency game. It is not a zero-sum game. Both incidents were wrong.
Harvey Weinstein was wrong, but so were Bill Cosby and Kevin Spacey; so is a coach who places their hands on the butt of a player.
I do not hate Rhian Wilkinson for being human; I blame Rhian Wilkinson for verbalizing feelings and not using the best ethical judgment. One day I hope she gets a second chance.
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